We Built this Awfulness

Just…why?

I’ve admitted to being a sucker for lists.

That also makes me a sucker for clickbait, such as the Culture Sonar item that I found randomly on social media recently.

It’s a list of Nine of the Worst Songs of the 80s.

I’m not going to argue that some of them aren’t my taste.

I mean, “Kokomo” is a crime against music, especially against Brian Wilson.

Thirty years have not changed my thoughts on New Kids on the Block either.

It’s probably best that I don’t go on an anti-Lionel Richie rant (save his stuff with The Commodores) but “Say You Say Me” cost Huey Lewis an Oscar, so you can probably guess my feelings there.

“I’ve Never Been to Me” is a rough listen.

We’ve addressed “We Built This City” many times of course.

“Lady in Red” is just cringe.

I don’t agree with hating on either “9 to 5 (Morning Train)” or “Eye of the Tiger.”

And then there’s the stain on J. Paul McCartney’s career in “The Girl is Mine” with Michael Jackson. I clearly remember making fun of that dreck back then. All I could think then — and now — was “What was Paul thinking?”

Truly only “Ebony and Ivory” is worse.

Yet, at the same time, what can never be forgotten is that all of these songs were popular. “The Girl is Mine,” for instance, was a number two hit on the Billboard Hot 100 on Jan 8, 1983. Only “Maneater” by Hall and/or Oates kept Jackson and Macca out of the top slot.

Don’t ask about the “and/or.”

Still, I feel like some of us knew these songs weren’t our thing at the time. And popularity doesn’t determine quality. Shall we revisit the horror of “Pac-Man Fever?”

But are these truly the worst of the 80s? For instance, “Red Red Wine” by UB40 deserves whatever form of hatred it gets and would be on my list if I had one.

It’s all just so subjective and can change from day to day for me so I don’t feel an urge to create a list.

Yet I’m sure the Exit 55 hive mind — if one exists — can come up with some 80s songs that just drive them up a wall.

There are plenty of other ’80s songs that are pretty awful.

Keep all sharp objects away from me when Billy Idol’s version of “Mony Mony” comes on.

And give me a year (or more) off from any songs by Bon Jovi, Journey, and Bob Seger.

Of course, Mr. Mellencamp sits in a special place all by himself.

On the other hand, and finishing on a positive note, listen to this cover of a little ditty called “The Power of Love.”

Ho…lee…wow.